No "Bah Humbug" Here

I have been inspired by the BLOG of my friend, Secundo Pia Columbanus D'Silva, at Mystic Alchemy. He states in his most recent post that he wants to "be in the festive spirit of things." And so taking a cue from him I want to speak about a neat book I came across: Advent and Christmas with the Saints, by Anthony F. Chiffolo (Liguori Publications).

One of my favorite saints is not nearly as well known as St. Francis of Assisi nor St. Teresa of Avila, but he is still a very important saint in the Church. Saint Alphonsus Liguori is a "Doctor of the Church" because of his writings on moral theology. At his time in history the world was fighting the heresy of Jansenism. That was a belief that only a very few people can ever get to heaven because it is such a difficult feat. This heresy greatly over-emphasizes sin, and flies totally against the belief in a God who loves us unconditionally.

Saint Alphonsus' position was that because of God's tremendous love for us, any benefit of doubt must always be judged in favor of the penitent. For example, if someone was not sure whether or not they had transgressed one of God's laws, the Jansenists would have claimed that they most likely did commit a sin and should confess it. But Alphonsus said "no." Sin is a deliberate act and if a person isn't sure, then they certainly did not commit a deliberate act of sin.

Well, Saint Alphonsus is quoted in Advent and Christmas with the Saints. Here is what he says:

"It is a custom with many Christians to anticipate the arrival of Christmas . . . by fitting up in their homes a crib to represent the birth of Jesus Christ; but there are few who think of preparing their hearts, so that the infant Jesus may be born in them . . ."

We've been enduring so much controversy over the use of the phrase "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas." And for years I have personally been confounded by the way the holiness of Christmas has been supplanted with comercialism. By December 26 we will not hear a single Christmas carol on the radio because everyone will be sick of hearing them since before Thanksgiving.

We can rant and rave about those things, but even for those who insist on using "Christmas" instead of "Holidays," do we really prepare our hearts for the sacredness of this event? Is our life different because God chose to become human and share in our plight, so that we now share forever in divine life?

Happiness is Contageous

Yesterday while driving I heard on the radio the Christmas Waltz. One line of the lyrics say,

"It's that time of year
when the world falls in love..."

That sounds so romantic and I dreamed of all the warm feelings I've experienced at Christmastime through the years. Lyrics to a similar song say: "It's the hap-, happiest season of all."

Yet it is also one of the most stressful times of the year. For example, as of today there are six shopping days left till Christmas. How many presents do you still need to buy? There's some stress for you.

And unfortunately stress leads to a lack of patience, which leads to short a temper, which can lead to telling someone off who doesn't really deserve it. And that results in making all parties involved angry. Too bad for this "happiest season of all."

I think if we can step back for a moment and try to understand what's happening it will help. I came across this book that is actually written for parents and their teenagers, but much of its wisdom applies to us all. They Do Grow Up: Parents and Teens Talk by Patricia M. Robertson (Liguori Publications). It's an interesting approach to a book because for each topic, Mrs. Robertson gives a reflection directed toward her kids, then her teenagers respond with their own reflection on the same topic. Makes for an interesting dialogue in which we get to see both sides of the issue.

Many of the topics are applicable to all relationships, not just parents and their teens. For example, one chapter is titled, "Winter Chill." It talks about those times when people within a family are not speaking to one another, and no one really knows why. Often, instead of confronting the problem or issue, we just blame it on the season and hope it will pass in time. Sometimes it does, but often it only gets worse, alienating people from each other.

Here is a segment of the final paragraph to that chapter. I am adding (parentheses) to widen the application for all our relationships.

Many things cause teenage (our) anger. Yet, there are many things that make them (others) happy. Usually, the anger shows more than the happiness. This is common. Our newspapers tell us bad news and hide the good news. This leads people to be angry, young and old alike. In fact, there are lots of things quite similar, I'm sure, in your life that makes you angry. Happiness is contagious, so is anger. Remember that, the next time you remark on your teenager's (someone else's) mood.

It's also the cold and flu season. If you're going to be contagious, let it be your happiness, not your anger or physical ailments, that get passed on to others.

Holiday Memories from Childhood

A few years ago when I was teaching adults, I had as many students of Hispanic and Asian descent as Anglos. At this time of year I would ask everyone in class to recall favorite traditions and memories of Christmas with their families. I believe that hearing stories from people of various cultures whose traditions are much different but just as meaningful to them, help us appreciate the wonderful diversity of people we live among. And they can enrich our own lives and traditions.

Among my own best memories were going to Grandma's house which was packed with relatives, and waiting for the lights to go out when Grandma plugged in the electric coffee maker and would blow a fuse. It happened every year!

I also remember the first year my niece was old enough (about 3 years, I think) to realize what was going on. There was great pile of brightly colored gifts under the tree, many for her of course. She sat very politely on the couch and unwrapped the first package handed to her. I think it was a doll or something like that, and she expressed delight over it. When a second bundle was handed to her she looked so surprised and exclaimed, "You mean there's more?"

Author Robert A. Alper shares memories of a very special gift in his book, Life Doesn't Get Any Better Than This, (Liguori Publications).

"I knew things were tough that season. We didn't starve, but everything had to be cut back as we tried to make do. . . My parents explained I would need to understand that they simply couldn't afford presents this time. Just this year. Next year will be better.

"On that final night of Chanukah my parents surprised me with a gift. It was a small one, they warned. Nothing very special. But I'd been so understanding of what was happening that they wanted me to have it. I felt a slight twinge of guilt over their sacrifice as I accepted the little package.

"Inside the box was a plastic model for my collection, a replica of a Chris Craft cabin cruiser. Probably cost about $2.95. I glued it together the next day, and for years, until I went off to college, the little boat sat on a shelf in my bedroom. It was far from being my fanciest model. Though it's been long discarded, the thought of it means more to me now than it ever did back then.

"When I look back on all those Decembers of my childhood, those often wonderful days of mystery, anticipation, celebration, I know for a fact that I received many dozens of presents over the course of the years. They form an indistinct blur. . . In truth, of all those gifts, I can actually remember only two. . . One was a twenty-six-inch English bicycle.

"The other was a plastic model boat."

Memories like these warm the heart and help us get into the true spirit of the season. I would truly enjoy hearing about other heartfelt memories from you.

Give more than just a present

It's Christmas time! While that's not news to anyone who watches TV or shops at any mall, I think it is important to reflect on the kinds of gifts we buy for others. I find it especially difficult to shop for my Dad. Whenever he needs or wants something, he just goes out and gets it. This year I made a donation to Food for the Poor in his honor. Some needy orphan will get the shoes and coat my Dad does not need.

I have a similar problem with my brother and his wife. For the past couple of years we have been giving each other gift certificates. From my point of view the nice things about gift certificates is that you usually spend them on things you would like to have but might not spend your own money on. My brother, younger than I am, is out of work on a permanent disability so I try to get them certificates for items they really need. Two years ago I gave them a $25 gift card to the mall; they gave me a $25 gift card for gasoline. Last year I gave them a $25 gift certificate to their local grocery store; they gave me $25 cash in a card.

I have to ask myself, "what's the point?" I guess the sentiment is there, but I surmise that it seems to be more of a mutual feeling of obligation rather than a real desire to give something nice.

With all the catastrophes that have happened in the world this past year, I count my blessings daily and feel compelled to help those whom have suffered so badly by donating - time, money, goods - in as many ways as I can. Here is an interesting opportunity I came across in a book called Youth Mentoring: Sharing Your Gifts with the Future. It is about giving of your time to a young person who needs support. Here is a most interesting excerpt from the Introduction.

Sadly, the fastest growing crime in America today is children killing children. Juvenile arrests for murder were more than 50 percent greater in 1996 than in the early 1980s. All juvenile violent crime is about 50 percent higher than it was fifteen years ago.

What does it take to reverse this horrifying trend? It can start with just one adult expressing an interest in one youth. A solution for some is a positive association with an adult other than his or her parents. Just spend time with a child and the world will be a better place. For some children, it can be as simple and as complicated as that.

Children need to feel that someone cares. A Young person who has a strong support system of adults, or even just one significant adult in his or her life is less lifely to engage in self-destructive behavior. It is the angry teen who lashes out at society through vandalism. It is the youngster in emotional pain who hurts others. Kids who feel valued have a greater sense of self-worth, and one cannot respect and love others without first respecting and loving one's self.

I guess what the author is really saying is, give the gift of love to someone who doesn't experience enough love in their life.

I'll Have a Blue Christmas Without You...

It is said that the holiday season is the worst time of the year for depression. A popular song calls it "the most wonderful time of the year." Yet because of our highly mobile society many people find themselves living far away from those they love. Perhaps people have high expectations for Christmas celebrations, but the reality does not meet up to their dreams or wishes.

We might think that homeless or unemployed people would be prime targets of depression. However, the truth is that no profession or class of people is exempt from depression. Surprisingly, even those in the "helping" professions are prone to it. Here is a brief excerpt from a book called Emerging from Depression by William Rabior (Liguori Publications). The words are from a conversation between a psychologist and a priest.

"Over the years I've treated a good many priests for depression. In fact, depression seems quite common in that profession."

When I asked him why, he looked at me reflectively. "There is probably no single reason," he replied, "because depression occurs when a number of factors converge. For example, priests are alone a lot and may not feel supported or affirmed. Sometimes they drink too much. Or it could be a combination of a lot of things: too many transfers, too much work, too little genuine intimacy with too much loneliness, too many demands on too little resources."

How many of us who are not priests can identify with these problems? Depression is something that just creeps up on us and if not dealt with it only gets worse and worse. I admit that I have experienced periods of depression resulting from the loss of a very close friend and from living alone after I moved halfway across the country.

What helped me was getting involved with a musical performance group. I am a trained musician, but I had set music aside because I felt so burned-out by the demands on my time for practice and performing. After a while when I realized what was happening, I joined a new chorus and started to come alive again. Now I know how important it is to have music in my life.

I close with a few signs of depression that Rabior points out toward the end of his book. If you identified with the characteristics above and are experiencing any of the following symptoms, I encourage you to seek help from a physician or counselor - especially at this time of year.

Sleep disturbances - insomnia, sleeping too much, waking too early.
Decreased or increased appetite with weight changes.
Thoughts of death.
Guilt, shame, worthlessness, loss of self-esteem.
No interest is activities you normally like.
Decreased energy, exhaustion, fatigue, listlessness.
Aches and pains that have no cause or remedy.
Irritability.
Social withdrawal and isolation.