Meaningful Conversation

I'm not a talker. I'm very strongly introverted. I have never been able to understand people whom I don't even know, but who speak to me in the checkout line at the grocery store. I also find myself rather boring. It is difficult for me to carry on a conversation with someone I meet, even if I've known them previously. And that can be embarrassing. Just last evening I spoke with a new member of my chorus. I have known this guy through a mutual friend for a couple of years. I told him it was good to see him, but then I had nothing else to say. It was truly awkward.

I'm not anti-social, and I very much enjoy being with people. Presence with another is enough for me. There is an intimacy in the silent presence. I once drove with a friend to Epcott Center in Orlando. He couldn't keep quiet for even a minute. And I don't mean yapping on-and-on about something. He actually started reading out-loud every traffic sign we passed because he had reached a point where he had nothing else to say. "Orlando, 50 miles." "Speed limit: 70; trucks 55." All arrows became the phrase "thataway," as in "Interstate 75 south, thataway." I was driving the car, and he was driving me crazy.

I also find it difficult to understand people with cell phones who seem to have the darn thing up to their ear at all times. I surmise that many of these folks just can't stand to be by themselves and have to be connected to someone else as much as they can. Last week I was at a restaurant with my parents. Six people were at a nearby table, three on each side. A woman in the middle of one side spent most of the meal on her phone while the other five diners apparently talked back and forth around her. How rude!

I do value meaningful conversation - highly. By that I mean conversation with substance; conversation that reveals a person's heart or is a means of learning something new and improving one's self and others. But I really can't stand drivel. What a waste. I remember an actor being interviewed by someone for TV and he refused to answer questions about the name of his pet cat or what color underwear he wore. He called those questions "inane" and not to the point. I agreed and I cheered him on.

Yet many families today are drawn apart because of all the activities the kids and the adults are over-involved in. As a result they have so little in common that they cannot carry on meaningful conversations with each other. In the "good old days" we all sat for a solid 30 to 45 minutes at the dinner table and heard about what went on in each other's day. We bonded. It has had a lasting effect on our parent-child and sibling relationships to this day. It is really too bad that modern families miss that.

Here is something that might help: Keep Talking by Maureen Treacy Lahr and Julie Pjitzinger (Liguori Publications). If you can get your family together (or even part of it) for a meal, and can turn off the television, this book provides topics on important values to let parents and kids hear what each other has to say. For example,

"Do you usually like a lot of activity around you or do you prefer a peaceful atmosphere? Why?" (That one must have been written for me. Sounds like the topic I was just expounding on!)

"Do you prefer one or two close friends or would you rather be part of a bigger group? Why?"

"If you could do just one thing to change the world, what would it be?"

You get the idea. Those questions give me something to ponder. There are 260 such lead-ins for starting conversations. I like these because they help people share their inner-selves with others. Anyone who talks with others about these kinds of topics will grow closer together by getting to know each other better.

Now that's worthwhile conversation!